a "flaming testament" // 2017

(that's from a song by Mark Knopfler, just so you know the truth, I'm not that creative)

A year is over! As usual I feel myself a little stunned, but not very stunned, because I don't have time to be that stunned. I feel about a hundred years older after this one.

2017, let's see what happened....

// January //

• I try to write songs, but that never really takes off. :-P

• I apply for jobs, and start working Saturdays at a little store in my neighborhood.

• Sadie, Henry and I go bowling one night, and I discover how much I love something I used to dislike.

• I watch Texas Rising. And... yeah.

• I find Wind River Ranch, fill out a big fat application, send the dang thing, and wait for awhile without breathing.

• I take the placement test for college and start my first class there, which I didn't think I would like, but as per usual, I was wrong.

• Sadie turns 16 and we go sledding, then Molly turns 21 and we go bowling. 

"I didn't know Emma was going to be this girl."

 - Mama

// February //

• I turn 18 on the 2nd, and Sadie convinces me to have a party. We finally make the red velvet armadillo cake I'd been wanting ever since I saw Steel Magnolias for the first time four years ago.

looks like an armadillo, right? Don't say a rat.

• I start another job, working as a waitress. Scared the heck out of me but I was determined to try....

• I have a phone interview with one of the directors from Wind River, and I-kid-you-not I started to cry when he prayed for me at the beginning. Over the phone.

• I spend too much time disliking school and disliking my job....

• My mom and sisters and I watch Downton Abbey on Valentine's Day.

• I wake up to the value of a dollar when I spend way too many of them on a t-shirt with a logo on it, then think about it all the way home. I vow to be a better steward with my money. (Funny part is, I don't even wear the shirt anymore.)

• The Squad - consisting of Henry, Sadie, and Emma - go to an indoor rodeo with some of our super-duper cool friends. Emma doesn't get asked out like she always hopes for (used to) when she goes to rodeos, but we have a good time. ;-)

• Sadie and I start going to a friend's youth group. Why did I have to wait till I was almost too old to find the best youth group ever?

• Henry turns 17 and we redneck out as usual.

"Consider yourself on the team."

(I got the job at the ranch!!!!!)

// March // 

• I find out that Les Mis is my history teacher's favorite musical and start to like him a lot more.

• I really don't like my job, but I stick with it...

• We go bowling with Henry's youth group, play bloody wrists and Indian wrestle with kids younger than me.

• I drive through a lotta farmland and vineyards (I really do love NY) and dream about the future.

• My mom, my sisters and I take a mini-vacation to PA, stop at my aunt's where Sadie and I see a Gold City concert at their church. Then we go to a Florida-Georgia Line at Stage College. I've never seen so many people in one place in my LIFE. 

• I kinda wish I was Mennonite. For awhile. (Blame Pennsylvania.)

• I watch The Alamo (2004) again which reinforces my faith in mankind and, well, men.

"I know how you like to write and write and write."

- my history teacher

// April //

• I buy an iPhone and joined the modern age!

• I discover Ryan Bingham, which is noteworthy.

• I sell the cap that I bought with my truck! Yay money!

• I buy (I buy a lot of things don't I???) another pair of cowboy boots from the coolest Amish guy ever. Colorado here I come!

• Easter comes and we eat a lot of mini cheesecakes. 

•  A guy leaves his number on my truck door and I tear it up and throw it out.

• I start a job driving my neighbor to therapy appointments - might not sound like it but SO much fun.

• Sadie and Henry and I win a talent show with our little band!

• We go to a Cowboy's Spring Ball and two-step the night away in cowboy boots.

"Emma's cool - she's bold."
- my cousin Henry

// May //

• We have our own annual spring ball with the dance group, and it's SO nice because I'm not crushing on anybody this year.

• I plant stuff and watch it grow! Yee yee!

• Henry, Peter, Sadie and I go on a wild goose chase to find a dance we'd heard about...finally we find it, are not impressed, leave, and laugh all the way home, harder than I had in a long time.

• I quit my job...and then quit my other job.

• Henry takes us to a horseshoeing clinic with a bunch of Amish guys. Completely lit. (But kinda weird.)

• I have a plane ticket to Denver, Colorado!

• I also have a plane ticket to San Antonio, Texas - my uncle and I go down there to visit my cousin for a week. 

I never fell in love with a land like I did with Texas.

// June //

• I catch a fish for the first time in my life!

• I graduate from high school...sort of. I kind of missed that. But at any rate I finish!

• I get recognized at church for graduating and get a brand new beautiful Bible and almost die from all the love.

• As usual, change is the only constant.

• A bunch of people come over to our barn to celebrate Molly's graduation from college and mine from high school. Again, I almost die from the love. 

• My Grandpa writes some Bible verses in my graduation card, I look them up and some of them don't exist... ;-P

• We open the stand for the season and start picking strawberries every morning, and I'm in my glory.

• My cousins and I go to the Stateline Speedway for the first time and I fall in love with the smells of rubber and dust clouds.

• Sadie starts to drive more.

• I start to get sick of picking strawberries...

"Hey - congratulations."

- New Guy

// July //

• I get to sing the National Anthem at a 4th of July festival at my aunt and uncle's church. They say 5000 people were there. 

• My truck breaks down in the middle of nowhere on the way home that very same night...

• I find out that the guy I met at the fire hall, the one who showed up uninvited to my graduation party, is actually the same age as I am and not 20-something like I thought.

• I start to like the guy I met at the fire hall, the one who showed up uninvited to my graduation party.

• I read Roy Feek's book, This Life I Live. People should read that book.

• I have blood drawn for the first time and feel like I'm gonna die (but I survive)

• Sadie, Henry, and I go to see Chris Stapleton and I almost fall asleep driving home.

• I take off for Denver...and that was an ordeal. 

• Emma Jane Anderson arrives in Colorado!

// August //

• I work as wait staff, housekeeping, and even in childcare (AHHHH!) at Wind River Ranch.

• A few girls and I go to Redrocks Church in Arvada one night, and for the first time I feel glad I came to CO.

• I miss home something terrible and try to console myself listening to Brantley Gilbert at night.

• I learn a lot about service to others, faithfulness when I'm far away from people I love, and being my own person in a strange place.

• Glen Campbell dies :-(

• I finally make friends with the other girls, and my heart actually breaks when I have to leave.

"I love you, you little noise in the other room."

- Samantha

// September //

• I GO HOME!

• Sadie and I drive to Ohio for a homeschool graduate's retreat. 

• I start going to college, and am relatively unimpressed. My English teacher doesn't give out 100s. (wtf?)

• Sadie and I go to the Mother Earth News Fair with our friends and I get to meet Joel Salatin! Also I get a hotel room in my name for the first time. Pretty weird.

• We have a bonfire at the Brown's house and cook a squirrel, play Red Rover, and roast marshmallows.

• I decide to join the fire department.

• We go bowling, and I see him again, and it's good to be home.

"I saw a strike."

- New Guy/Mike

// October //

• Tom Petty dies and I start listening to his music for the first time.

• We find a kitty living in the upstairs of our barn and I name him Casper...until I find out he's a she.

• The shooting in Las Vegas happens and Eric Church writes a song about it.

• I start blogging again.

• Molly comes home from college for a visit! 

• We have a hayride. I leave a note on his truck at school inviting him to come, and he does.

• I buy a puppy from an Amish man, and name him Henley after Don Henley. 

• We go over to Mike's house for a bonfire. He shows me his turkeys and we play sneaks in the woods and afterwards he checks my arms for scratches with a flashlight and I'm not really sure why it sticks in my mind?

• We go to a Halloween party at the Brown's house, play sneaks in the dark, I lose my pocketknife, and as we're driving away Mike flashes his blue light.  

• We close the stand for the year and I buy a huge pumpkin from an Amish kid for $10 because ours are all gone.

"Emma doesn't act weird. She laughs really loudly."

- Sadie

// November //

• We go out, and say we'll do it again.

• My mom and Sadie and I go to see Molly at school and tour the city of Rochester. I sniff out a Carhartt outlet store and spend too much money.

• I get a job at Tractor Supply.

• We have our costume ball, and I go dressed up as Mia from La La Land.

• I fly to Indiana for a few days to visit my friend Allie. We go to see Only the Brave and it's the best movie I've seen in a long, long time. I think about Veterans' Day a lot more this year than I ever have before.

• I keep going to school, working on the other days, and seeing him.

• I have a day off and Sadie and I go Christmas shopping and just drive around in the country like we used to when we had no responsibilities. 

• I become a member of the fire department.

• Mike and I go to the rodeo at Sundance and listen to Firefall and Bread all the way home.

• I take a class for first responders on drug labs and get a little freaked out because the world is a messed-up place, but reassured too because there are people who deal with it.

• Mike takes me hunting, and I shoot his 20 gauge. We use his math homework as a target.

• My head is full of numbers, cash registers, fire engines, blue lights, and puppies.

• I go to my first call, a vehicle off the road after hitting a deer. I don't do much except carry the chainsaw back to the truck.

• I go to my second call, on Christmas morning. We lose the patient, but I'm extremely proud of my guys.

• We have an unexpected and sorta weird but happy Christmas :-)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

- Philippians 4:6-7

Happy 2018 everyone!

Fire and bowling and Friday the 13th

   
     One thing I love about fall is it smells so good.

     By 'it' I mean everything. The air, the soil, the pavement, the trees. Kinda woodsy and smoky...or maybe that's just because I had a fire tonight. I drove the gator down to the barn, in the path of one headlight, loaded the back full of cardboard boxes and miscellaneous pieces of the bunny hutch I tore apart when I was feeling extra angsty, and burned all of it out in the yard underneath the stars, filling the whole neighborhood with smoke right down to the stop sign at the end of the road. (It's good for the environment.)

    I always feel really good when it's all burned down, nothing left but a tiny orange crackle in a pile of coals and ashes. Burning for me has always been a form of therapy, a time to think through life's conundrums, ponder my own failings and abilities, and a chance to smear ashes on my face and feel like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall.

    Ever just have an off-day? Or an off-couple-of-days?

    It's not necessarily that anything is going wrong; you're just off. Off your game, not killing it like you'd like to be. You drop stuff and forget what you walked into a room for. It started Wednesday, when I forgot Sally's cider and took the wrong exit off the highway. I went to bed thinking, oh well, crap happens but good thing tomorrow won't be a day like this one...then Thursday's not half over when, what do you know, I'm this-close to turning right onto a one-way in town and putting myself, my sister, and my truck in traction. (I forget what else I did that day, but it wasn't good) - then it's Friday, and I neglect to ask about the Honeycrisp apples when I go to pick up a load of produce, which is an elementary mistake that nobody of my caliber should make - or am I really that awesome? Do I have any skills at all? Should anyone trust me? Am I good for anything?!? (And did I really just turn right on red without stopping?)

     ...and on and on.

     Hence the angst, and the tearing apart of the bunny hutch. Sometimes life is just a lot of faded boards and bent nails.

     Needless to say I wasn't feeling too hot about myself. I moaned to my sister a lot, because she knows that's what she's there for. I couldn't figure out why I felt so lousy, except I tend to get like that every once in a while for no obvious reason and it usually goes away. I remembered last year, almost this exact time actually, when I bought my truck and had such an awful hard time learning how to drive it and thought for sure I was the most pathetic person who ever lived. I got over that, so I'd be okay, but I didn't know how many more Jonah days I could take before I did something with actual lasting negative effects. So Sadie and I went to Tractor Supply and that helped, smelling the cedar chips and hearing the country music and making the cute cashier laugh with our sisterly antics.

     I was feeling much better on the drive home, and didn't even think about hitting a deer, and things were looking brighter. Then the real blessing came when we arrived home: while we were gone our mother had taken a phone call, and we had been invited to go bowling. They'd meet us there in a little while. I cried, and Sadie and I, suddenly not hungry for any kind of supper, got in the truck and drove off again into the night.

    See, I really love bowling. It's a long story that started last January in an old-school bowling alley in a little town without a stoplight. I'm freaking terrible at it and I never seem to get any better, but I love bowling. I love my friends more though. And so, bowling with my best people Friday night, there was so much love going on that I stopped being miserable and let go of all the funkiness of the past three days. Even though it was Friday the 13th, for freaking fudge sakes - or maybe because of that - nothing was getting at me.

     I won't tell you my score that night because it was terrible. That's not the point. The point is, if you're having a bad day that turns into two that turns into three, there's a fix. You don't even have to work for it, because the people who love you will see it gets done.

     If you're in the middle of one of those funks right now, you took the wrong exit, or you tried to pay for your groceries with your library card, chin up. It's a beautiful time to be alive. The sky will clear and the sun will come out and shine down on all those gorgeous red and orange trees, and you'll catch a whiff of that smoky-autumn smell and it'll get right down into your soul and you won't be able to help yourself from embracing the hope that's gonna creep in there with it. My advice? Tear out some nails, if you can find them. Go buy yourself something from Tractor Supply, call up your favorite people and see if they want to go bowling. You can deal with whatever junk you've got tomorrow, it'll still be there. Have a bonfire; put on some Eric Church. Thank God for all the things going right, and you'll see just how much room there is between your problems for goodness to fill itself in.

     "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."   // Philippians 4:6-7

     "But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls."     //Hebrews 10:39


    ~Emma

   

November Days

   

     Have I mentioned how I love November?

     The summer months kind of blend together in one big long stretch of work and play and non-stop action, and then comes along November -- that bronze, dignified month that brings rest and cold and envelopes you like a big warm fuzzy blanket.

     We often get Indian Summer days in November, like this one; I was riding my bike in just a thin shirt, no jacket. Last year I was barefoot at this time. It's like one last taste of freedom before a cold front sets in and drives us inside.

    Speaking of driving (well not really)....Last month I bought a truck.

     

There it is!

     It's the smallest truck you ever saw. It's twenty-seven years old and it was originally owned by an old man in Virginia, so I'm calling it the Virginian. (Which is a good book, by the way.) My dad and I found it almost on accident and the way it worked out was super unexpected, but it's a good little truck and so far it's served me well. It's an '89, so it's a stick-shift, and I'll tell you -- learning to drive stick was the hardest thing I've tried in a long time. I don't even know why it was so hard; but I think it was because everyone told me it would be easy and then it wasn't, and when I couldn't do it right off my pride was just about crushed and I didn't even feel like trying. 

     One night I was trying to get the hang of starting and stopping it in our driveway and I kept stalling it, so I just gave up and laid down on the seat and cried. That night I felt worse about myself than I have in a while. That's how I am, I'm noticing more and more -- when I can't get something right off I get so frustrated I can't even think straight. It's pride, I know, and it's bad. This little truck crushed my pride. But my teachers were patient. And then I turned the key again and tried once more, and it got better. And you know what? They were right. I did get the hang of it. And when I drove it to my grandparent's house Hallowe'en night, I had hope again; and the other night when Sadie and I rolled into the rodeo hall parking lot going to a dance in our little red Ranger, I felt so proud, a wholesome kind of proud, and it was all worth it. That darn little truck.

     Owning a vehicle makes me feel more like an adult than maybe anything has before. I'm surprised how much I like it. :-)

     ...Not that I'm too adult yet. I spent most of Saturday sitting around talking about movies and I still sing Veggie Tales songs and the other night I played a human version of PacMan, so we've still got a ways to go.

    What do you love about November?

    Do you drive a stick-shift?

      ~Emma

     

hallowe'en and closing time

   

 
   Howdy! Happy Hallowe'en! If you're wondering why I've got an apostrophe in there, it's because that's how Tasha Tudor spells it, so that's how I'm gonna spell it.

     I know a lot of Christians don't celebrate Hallowe'en because of all its evil connotations, but I personally think Hallowe'en is great. I'll probably never outgrow the excitement of dressing up in costume. I have tons of fond memories of traipsing around the neighborhood in the most horrible of weather, dressed up in everything from a bathrobe to a dust ruffle (no kidding) ringing people's doorbells and giving out bags of apples. Some years it was so cold and muddy and rainy it was plainly miserable. So why did we do it? Because it was fun. And we were kids and that's what you do when you're a kid. And then we got to come back home and put on pajamas and eat chicken soup and watch creepy black-and-white screwball comedies. :-)

     Yeah, I like Hallowe'en. Evil and the appearance of evil are bad, I know, but Hallowe'en is like a bonfire -- it's totally fine if you keep it contained.

     Another reason I like Hallowe'en? Our family business closes for the year, and we can all go home and sit by the fire.

     That's the way it goes -- June through October every year our lives are a circus, running the business (known as 'the stand') and trying to keep up with everything besides. That's the way it's always been for me. We work hard all summer and then October comes, and my mom starts counting down the days until Hallowe'en, and then -- oh joy! -- we get to take down the OPEN flags for the last time, switch off the lights, close the doors, and go home to celebrate living through yet another season. It's really great.

     My mom said to my dad, "What do other people do to experience this unbridled joy? We get to close the stand every October, but how to other people know what it's like to be this excited?"

     It's been a good year. A very hard year, for me, but that's mainly because of my own silly emotional teenage-girl issues which absolutely nobody wants to hear about. The amazing thing is, as hard as it's been, and as many times as I felt like I was so tired I couldn't keep up, and as many times as I felt so badly about myself that I didn't even want to try....it was all really good. It was all experience. My family stuck together. I learned how to live a little better and I stopped brushing my hair. I loved the land even more and realized I always want to do this -- this farming thing, I mean. For me it's in my blood. Maybe that's how my Daddy felt, why he took over the farm. Anyways.

     When I think of this year I'll think of driving the red truck and picking pumpkins and going to get raspberries with Sadie and listening to Joey+Rory and talking waaaaaaay too much about trucks with my cousin Henry and eating grape stix at closing.
   

   

     It's a good day. :-) Hey, whatever you're doing for Hallowe'en, I hope y'all have fun!

     ~Emma

     P.S. Now there won't be all that work to do I'm gonna have to find something to keep me out of trouble all winter....